Here’s a question:
What’s something you believed as a kid that makes you laugh now?
Maybe you thought swallowing watermelon seeds would grow a watermelon in your stomach.
Your daughter thought teachers lived at school.
Now you’re laughing.
You’re comparing answers.
One of you says, “Wait. You really believed that?”
And suddenly you’re talking.
That little moment is exactly why both people answer the same prompt in a Pass-It-Back™ journal.
If Only One Person Answers, It Starts to Feel Like an Interview
Imagine handing your child a journal filled with questions.
What’s your favorite memory?
What makes you laugh?
Where would you go if you could travel anywhere?
Question. Answer.
Question. Answer.
Question. Answer.
After a while, I’d start wondering when somebody was going to offer me the job.
That’s not what I wanted Pass-It-Back™ to feel like.
Both people should get to be known.
That’s one of the things that makes Pass-It-Back™ different from simply giving someone a book of journal prompts.
Kids Should Get to Discover the Grown-Ups Too
We spend a lot of time trying to learn about our kids.
But how much do they know about us?
Not Responsible Adult Us.
Us-us.
What did you want to be when you were 10?
What food did you hate?
What did you get in trouble for?
What was your most embarrassing haircut?
When both people answer, your child gets to discover things about you too.
That’s the heart of Pass-It-Back™:
One Prompt. Two Voices. Real Connection.
And there may actually be something to that two-way sharing. In a 2024 study, children ages 8 to 13 reported feeling more loved during conversations where they and their parents took turns sharing about themselves compared with ordinary small talk.
The researchers weren’t studying journals, so I’m not claiming a Pass-It-Back™ journal will magically transform your relationship.
But their finding does reinforce something I believe strongly:
Sharing should go both ways.
You can read more about the research in Why Shared Journaling Is Valuable for Families.
The Fun Part Is Seeing What the Other Person Wrote
Sometimes you’ll have almost the same answer.
Sometimes you’ll wonder how the two of you are even related.
Both are good.
Say the prompt is:
“If we had a free Saturday with nothing we had to do, how would you spend it?”
You write:
Sleep late, go out for breakfast, wander around some little shops, and come home.
Your kid writes:
Amusement park. Every roller coaster twice. Giant funnel cake. Stay until they kick us out.
Well.
Apparently one of you is going to need a nap.
But now you know something about each other that you didn’t know five minutes ago.
And maybe you start planning a Saturday that has a little of both.
Different Answers Are Kind of the Point
There are no right answers in a Pass-It-Back™ journal.
You don’t have to agree.
You don’t have to write the same amount.
You don’t even have to take the question equally seriously.
One person might write three paragraphs.
The other writes:
Tacos. Definitely tacos.
Both count.
The goal isn’t to get the same answer.
The goal is to get curious about the other one.
That’s also what makes shared journaling different from keeping a diary. You’re not only exploring your own thoughts. You’re getting to discover someone else’s.
The Prompt Is Only the Beginning
This might be the best way I can explain Pass-It-Back™:
The prompt is only the beginning. The real magic happens in the stories, laughter, memories, and unexpected answers that follow.
A question might uncover a childhood story you’ve never heard.
An answer might make both of you laugh.
You might discover you agree completely.
Or you might discover that you absolutely, positively should never be put in charge of planning a vacation together.
That’s the good stuff.
The journal simply gives it somewhere to start.
Try It Tonight
You don’t need to buy anything to try this.
Grab a notebook or two pieces of paper and answer the same question:
“If you could instantly become really good at one thing, what would you choose?”
Write your answers.
Show each other.
That’s it.
Don’t turn it into a lesson.
Don’t analyze the answers.
Just see what the other person wrote.
Because answering the question isn’t really the point.
Passing it back is.
And sometimes one simple question is all it takes to discover something you never knew about someone you thought you knew pretty well.
QUESTIONS ABOUT PASS-IT-BACK™ JOURNALS
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do both people answer the same prompt?
Because shared journaling should be a two-way experience. Answering the same question lets both people share something about themselves, compare answers, and get curious about what the other person wrote.
Do we have to answer the prompt at the same time?
No. One person can answer first and pass the journal back later. That is part of what makes Pass-It-Back™ easy to fit into real life.
What if our answers are completely different?
Even better. Different answers give you something to talk about. You are not trying to agree or find the “right” response. Sometimes the differences are the most interesting part.
Should we read each other’s answers?
Yes. That is an important part of the Pass-It-Back™ idea. The goal is not just to write an answer. It is to discover the other person’s answer too and see where the conversation goes.
What if one person writes much more than the other?
That is completely fine. One person may write a paragraph while the other writes five words. Both answers count. Shared journaling should work for big talkers, quiet people, and people who are not big writers.