You know this conversation.
“How was your day?”
“Fine.”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing.”
Well. That was productive.
Most families don’t need someone telling them they should communicate more. We know.
The harder part is getting a real conversation started when everybody is busy, tired, distracted, or just not in the mood for a heart-to-heart.
That’s one reason I like shared journaling.
You don’t need a big family bonding activity. You don’t need everyone to put their phones in a basket and stare lovingly into each other’s eyes.
Sometimes you just need one good question.
Good Family Conversations Don’t Have to Start With Deep Questions
Somewhere along the way, we started acting like a question has to be deep to be meaningful.
I disagree.
You don’t have to ask:
“What is your greatest fear, and how has it shaped the person you are today?”
Good grief. I’m just trying to eat my tacos.
Ask:
“What food could you happily eat once a week forever?”
Maybe your kid says pizza.
You say tacos.
That reminds somebody of the terrible pizza you ordered on vacation.
Now you’re talking about the vacation.
Then somebody remembers Dad getting lost.
Dad claims he was not lost.
And there goes the next 20 minutes.
The question wasn’t deep.
The conversation went somewhere anyway.
That’s the kind of prompt I like—the kind that’s easy to answer but gives you somewhere to go if you want to.
The Big Difference? Everybody Gets to Answer
This is the part of shared journaling I think matters most.
The grown-ups answer too.
It isn’t:
Parent asks question.
Child answers question.
Parent gathers information.
Both people answer the same question.
That means your child isn’t the only one being asked to share.
Maybe your daughter discovers you were terrified of thunderstorms when you were her age.
Maybe your son finds out you once got in trouble for something he never would have expected.
Maybe you both answer a question about your dream vacation and discover you’ve been imagining two completely different trips.
You’re not interviewing each other.
You’re discovering each other.
And there’s actually some interesting research behind that idea.
In a 2024 study involving 218 children ages 8–13 and one of their parents, researchers compared ordinary small talk with conversations where parents and children took turns sharing more about themselves.
The children in the self-disclosure group reported feeling more loved by their parent during the conversation.
Now, the researchers weren’t studying shared journals, so I’m not going to tell you that a journal has some magical, scientifically proven relationship power.
But I do think the finding is interesting.
There may be something important about sharing with each other instead of one person doing all the asking.
And that’s exactly why both people answer in a Pass-It-Back™ journal.
One Simple Question Can Uncover a Story You’ve Never Heard
Here’s another thing I love about shared journaling:
You don’t always know where a question will lead.
Ask:
“What did you like to do after school when you were my age?”
And suddenly Mom is talking about riding her bike through the neighborhood.
Grandpa is talking about the job he had after school.
Your teenager is horrified to learn there was once a world without Wi-Fi.
These little stories matter.
Researchers Marshall Duke, Amber Lazarus, and Robyn Fivush found that children who knew more about their family’s history also tended to have higher self-esteem, a stronger sense of control, better family functioning, and lower anxiety.
That’s an association, not proof that knowing family stories caused those things.
But it does give us something worth thinking about:
Knowing our family’s stories seems to be connected to some pretty important parts of family life.
And you don’t need to sit down and announce, “Tonight we shall discuss our family history.”
Please don’t.
Ask a question.
See where it goes.
Family Stories Work Better When More Than One Person Gets to Tell Them
Another study looked at real families talking around the dinner table.
Researchers found links between the way family members built stories together and children’s emotional and behavioral well-being.
Again, they weren’t studying journals, and the research doesn’t prove that telling family stories causes better outcomes.
What interests me is the back-and-forth part.
One person remembers something.
Someone else adds a detail.
Another person remembers it differently.
Somebody says, “WAIT. I never knew that!”
That’s a family story being built together.
A shared journal can give that kind of conversation somewhere to start.
Writing Gives You Something Talking Doesn’t: You Get to Keep the Answer
Most family conversations disappear as soon as they’re over.
Written answers don’t.
The handwriting stays.
The crossed-out word stays.
The ridiculous drawing stays.
So does the answer that seems completely ordinary right now.
And that’s how a shared journal can become a keepsake without anybody sitting down intending to CREATE A PRICELESS FAMILY HEIRLOOM.
That’s too much pressure for a Tuesday.
Just answer the questions.
Laugh at the funny answers.
Talk when something gets you talking.
Keep passing it back.
Years from now, you may be surprised by how much those ordinary answers mean.
Please Don’t Turn Shared Journaling Into Another Chore
This might be the most important rule.
You do not need to start Daily Family Journaling Time.
You don’t need a 30-day challenge.
You don’t need to finish three prompts a week.
And nobody needs a journaling streak.
Answer one question tonight.
Answer another next week.
Forget about it for two weeks and come back.
Write three words.
Write three paragraphs.
Draw something.
Make a list.
There are no wrong answers.
Because the point isn’t really to fill a journal.
The point is to know each other a little better.
That’s what shared journaling can give families: an easy place to start.
One prompt.
Two voices.
And sometimes a conversation you never saw coming.
Want to try it without buying anything? Grab a notebook and ask:
“What’s something you’ve been really into lately?”
Both of you answer.
Then compare.
You might be surprised by what you learn.
And if you’d rather have the questions and pages already made for you, that’s exactly what I created Pass-It-Back™ Journals for.
QUESTIONS ABOUT SHARED JOURNALING
Frequently Asked Questions
What is shared journaling for families?
Shared journaling means two or more family members use writing to learn about each other. In a Pass-It-Back™ journal, two people answer the same prompt, read each other’s responses, and pass the journal back and forth.
Is shared journaling only for parents and children?
No. It can work between grandparents and grandchildren, adult children and parents, siblings, couples, and other people who want to know each other better. The important part is choosing questions that fit the relationship.
What if my child doesn’t like writing?
That’s okay. An answer can be one sentence, three words, a list, or even a drawing. Nobody gets extra credit for filling the page. The writing is simply a way to start sharing.
How often should families use a shared journal?
Whenever it works for you. Once a week, once a month, or whenever somebody feels like picking it up. Shared journaling shouldn’t become another job on the family calendar.
Can I make my own shared journal?
Absolutely. Grab a notebook, choose a question you can both answer, write your responses, and compare. If you’d rather have the prompts and pages already created, a guided shared journal does that part for you.
Sources & Research
Brummelman, E., et al. (2024). “Reciprocal self-disclosure makes children feel more loved by their parents in the moment: A proof-of-concept experiment.” Developmental Science. Read the study
Duke, M. P., Lazarus, A., & Fivush, R. (2008). “Knowledge of family history as a clinically useful index of psychological well-being and prognosis: A brief report.” Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training. Read the study
Bohanek, J. G., et al. (2009). “Narrative Interaction in Family Dinnertime Conversations.” Merrill-Palmer Quarterly. Read the study